I had a revelation today. Instead of agonizing over not going to the gym (that I'm paying a lot of money per month to belong to - which is another story all together) and subsequently feeling really guilty about it, or agonizing over not walking T and feeling guilty about it as we both could use the exercise) I had a total light bulb going off moment today. I could, in fact, just go for a walk or run around my neighborhood. Every day. In the morning. Sure I'd be a little scared, but I could take my mace and hope for the best. If I ran every day, imagine how much thinner and healthier I could be. Well, duh.
P.S. My story is coming. I actually worked on it a little tonight.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Good Hair Day
I'm having a good hair day. A dang good hair day. Too bad Ed can't see it. I haven't had a hair day this great in I don't know how long. Very smooth, clumpy curls, just the way I like them. And I even washed my hair last night (washing is NEVER followed by a good hair day.) Let's recreate the process to get us to this day, shall we?
1) I have no idea how long it had been since I washed my hair (a week? 10 days?), so dirty hair is a requirement.
2) I shampooed the fellow concert go-er ick out of my hair at 1 am, using the almost 8 months old Pert Plus that Dr. Callaway said would kill the fleas on T & E.
3) I went to bed with wet hair.
4) I woke up and showered, using two rounds of Trader Joe's Refresh conditioner.
5) Towel dry and air dry with no product for approximately 5 minutes.
6) Apply my usual concoction of Paul Mitchell The Conditioner and that other curl shit that I can't remember the name of. Unsure of the ratio - large blob of The Conditioner to small blob of the curly shit.
7) Very sunny day with clear skies (also very important - clouds = humidity = moisture of some sort = possible rain = frizzy hair
Too dang bad I don't know how to post a picture. This is the kind of hair day that makes me happy I've got hair like this. Dang, I wish I could post a picture.
1) I have no idea how long it had been since I washed my hair (a week? 10 days?), so dirty hair is a requirement.
2) I shampooed the fellow concert go-er ick out of my hair at 1 am, using the almost 8 months old Pert Plus that Dr. Callaway said would kill the fleas on T & E.
3) I went to bed with wet hair.
4) I woke up and showered, using two rounds of Trader Joe's Refresh conditioner.
5) Towel dry and air dry with no product for approximately 5 minutes.
6) Apply my usual concoction of Paul Mitchell The Conditioner and that other curl shit that I can't remember the name of. Unsure of the ratio - large blob of The Conditioner to small blob of the curly shit.
7) Very sunny day with clear skies (also very important - clouds = humidity = moisture of some sort = possible rain = frizzy hair
Too dang bad I don't know how to post a picture. This is the kind of hair day that makes me happy I've got hair like this. Dang, I wish I could post a picture.
Ed
Boo and I saw Pearl Jam last night. They rocked. All I have to say is.... I love Ed. And I love him some more (even though the picture sucks and the info is crappy). I really love him. Did I mention that I love Ed?
His hair is long again, well a little above his shoulders, and he had a beard thing going on. I prefer him scruffy (a couple of days' worth of stubble, rather than bearded, but hey what are you going to do?). He drank wine out of a bottle (well, two bottles of red wine) and smoked cigarettes during the guitar solos (blowing smoke rings, way hot!). He kept blowing kisses to the front row (maybe his chick & kid?). He also pulled this chick up on stage and she signed the words while he sang. Then they danced around the stage and hugged. I'm just wishing it was me. :)
At the end, Mike McCready played the Star Spangled Banner ala Jimi Hendrix-style and Ed stood there with his hand over his heart. Very cute. Big ol' thumbs up from me.
Did I mention that I love Ed? (Even though that site is kinda creepy...) Oh, and again, just in case you forgot, I love Ed.
Monday, May 22, 2006
So the posting is lame lately. I have a plan for a post, but I'm having a hard time writing it lately.
Three things from yesterday...
1) Becca's confirmation party was relatively painless.
2) I got to see the cat brothers.
3) I didn't take a long nap yesterday afternoon. First Sunday in a long time.
2) I got to see the cat brothers.
3) I didn't take a long nap yesterday afternoon. First Sunday in a long time.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Three things
Three things from yesterday...
1) Boo and I went to pick up a car he bought and it went smoothly. I don't think that's ever happened.
2) Boo heated up a frozen dinner for me. He is a sweetie.
3) I dozed off pretty early.
1) Boo and I went to pick up a car he bought and it went smoothly. I don't think that's ever happened.
2) Boo heated up a frozen dinner for me. He is a sweetie.
3) I dozed off pretty early.
Whew! What a Relief!
Sooo, I haven't been around for a while. I've just been relaxing and recovering from last week's firing of the WWTS. They called her in at 3, she yelled for 45 minutes, then f*cked around for another 45 minutes before she left. Now, if someone handed me a termination letter, I'd be so embarrassed and humiliated that I would just leave. Why would you beg for your job when they just handed you a termination letter? They made it perfectly clear that they don't want you around. Would you really want to stay? Give me a break.
Needless to say, it's been a wonderful week without her here. I've gotten so much work done. The phones haven't even been that bad. It's been almost like a vacation.
I still think she'll come back and shoot us. At the least, sue us. Today, the Operations Manager said he thinks that she'll either kill herself and blame us, sue for sexual harrassment, or sue for wrongful termination. He agreed with me that we haven't seen the last of her. I just hate having that specter of her, just hanging around. Any sane person would just suck it up and take the firing, but well, we know she's not sane. DJ said he told a customer one time that when you call the office, one of the three girls will answer. He said the customer said he thought we only had two girls in the office. He said that he told them that physically there were two of us, but one had multiple personalities. Heh heh
Today has totally been "rag on WWTS Thursday." The bosses are gone and we're all just chatting about the whole thing. It's pretty cool, because there's no one here to yell at us about gossiping.
Needless to say, it's been a wonderful week without her here. I've gotten so much work done. The phones haven't even been that bad. It's been almost like a vacation.
I still think she'll come back and shoot us. At the least, sue us. Today, the Operations Manager said he thinks that she'll either kill herself and blame us, sue for sexual harrassment, or sue for wrongful termination. He agreed with me that we haven't seen the last of her. I just hate having that specter of her, just hanging around. Any sane person would just suck it up and take the firing, but well, we know she's not sane. DJ said he told a customer one time that when you call the office, one of the three girls will answer. He said the customer said he thought we only had two girls in the office. He said that he told them that physically there were two of us, but one had multiple personalities. Heh heh
Today has totally been "rag on WWTS Thursday." The bosses are gone and we're all just chatting about the whole thing. It's pretty cool, because there's no one here to yell at us about gossiping.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Three things
Three things from yesterday...
1) I got tons of stuff done at work on my first day of freedom.
2) Got some furry kid cuddling in.
3) Got my dishes washed and put away.
1) I got tons of stuff done at work on my first day of freedom.
2) Got some furry kid cuddling in.
3) Got my dishes washed and put away.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Three things from yesterday...
1) I was in a pretty good mood all day.
2) Boo and I had a long talk about my work drama (20 minutes).
3) Tz slept in my lap while I was on the computer last night, then under the covers for a while when I went to bed. Then EG slept on my legs for a while after he chased Tz off.
1) I was in a pretty good mood all day.
2) Boo and I had a long talk about my work drama (20 minutes).
3) Tz slept in my lap while I was on the computer last night, then under the covers for a while when I went to bed. Then EG slept on my legs for a while after he chased Tz off.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Three things from yesterday
1) T was full of smiles.
2) We had a really nice thundershower last night and not one furry kid was scared.
3) Boo and I went to Costco and ran a couple of errands and spent some quality time together.
2) We had a really nice thundershower last night and not one furry kid was scared.
3) Boo and I went to Costco and ran a couple of errands and spent some quality time together.
Workplace Drama
First, a rundown of the cast of characters (work):
MC – the boss
DJ – MC’s bro and salesman
R – the controller
WWTS – wicked witch of the south end of the office
Jam Man – my boss
So, a little background…
WWTS is weird. Something is tweaked in her head. She does goofy things, such as:
*Typing a scathing letter to our first aid supply company saying that their representatives are sluts and that their outfits are more appropriate for a night club and putting my initials on it like I’m her assistant and I typed it
*Hanging up on customers
*Not transferring calls (I get one customer a week who says, “Thank you for answering the phone, I hate talking to her.”
*Screwing up payables so the head mechanic’s bills don’t get paid and vendors cut him off
*Getting pissed off and just leaving for the day
*Not showing up for work (one year she missed 45 days of work – our rental month is 22 days, so essentially she missed 2 months of work)
*Not co-operating with ANYONE
*Not listening to anyone
*Doing whatever she wants
*Checking and re-checking my work (which she has no idea what I do all day and has nothing to do with my position anyway) causing me to have to do my work at least twice everyday, but usually three times (I enter the billing data into the computer in an organized, consecutive order, she deletes everything I typed, retypes it in a fruitcake order, and bills it that way. Then R or I makes the correction and prints the invoice to mail. If you go back to the invoice the next day, it’s back in the goofy order b/c she changed it back)
*Rewriting my bare rental tickets and throwing away my tickets and any information attached to them
*Deleting pricing info out of the computer (which having that info in the computer to refer to essentially helps us get paid - which essentially helps her since she does AR)
*Rrifling through my desk and belongings
*Staring out the window all the time
*Filing her nails all the time
*Running outside for a smoke and to talk on her cell all the time.
The list goes on and on and on
She’s worked here for seven years and no one likes her. They didn’t like her from the start. I always wondered why MC didn’t get rid of her. I always thought it was b/c he boned her. DJ said that that never happened as far as he knew, and he was pretty sure he’d know about it if it happened. Though, the dispatchers suspect there was a fair bit of boning as the brothers passed around the former dispatch assistant, they don't think anyone boned WWTS. Anyway, anytime I had a review or bonus talk, MC would always ask me what to do about WWTS. I would always shrug and say I didn’t know and he would tell me he couldn’t fire her. Last fall, R and I were talking about it, and he said he found out that WWTS’s brother in law got her the job here. He was a player at this corrupt company we did lots of work for. He got her a job there and when the illegal activity got to be too much, he called MC and got her in here. Now at the time, we apparently needed to kiss this guy’s ass. And to top it off, whenever anything bad happened in her life, the brother in law would call MC and warn him that she was going to be goofy (and essentially tell him not to get rid of her). Well, currently, the company the bro in law works for is out of business (WWTS called the FBI on them for their illegal activities so she played a huge part in their demise) and we have no reason to kiss his ass. So, my question is why is she still here?
It’s been getting worse for me lately, because I’ve been standing up to her. She leaves snarky notes on my stuff, so I leave notes defending myself right back. I’ve been keeping track of all the stuff that she does that impact my job. Just so I can go to MC at review time and show him what’s going on, and how it's a waste of my time. So I can say that I will just absorb that extra time into my job description and not worry about it.
So yesterday, DJ got a call from one of our new customers. We’ve done a ton of work with them in the last three months and they have a really goofy invoice process. We are only allowed to bill them once a month and we have to send totals to them for each site, they will issue a PO, then we’re allowed to bill. Then in 30 days, they pay the invoices. WWTS filed notices of commencement on all their sites (which we’re not supposed to do per the tentative contract we have with them). One of the guys in charge called DJ and chewed him a new ass. He said that if his boss got a hold of the notices of commencement, he’d get an ass chewing, so he was passing it down the line. He threatened to give his business to a competing company. So DJ called R to see WTF we’re doing and tell him that we’re losing a customer b/c of the NOC stuff. DJ & R talked to MC about it and it all came down to WWTS butting into stuff she had no business doing. R told MC AGAIN that we don’t need her, especially if she’s going to cost us a customer. Jam Man told him that she pisses someone off on the phone at least once a day, and he gets sick of hearing about it. (He, in fact, had to apologize to someone last week and warn said customer that she’s a fruitcake). So MC told R that he could fire her and MC would back him up. DJ, Jam Man, and I all witnessed the comment. So R said he was going to do it on Friday. MC said it was fine with him, just make sure he has all his ducks in a row and that she doesn’t have anything on him, so we don’t get sued. R said that he’s done nothing wrong. MC said something to me about what I'd say in the deposition. That pissed me off too. Why am I involved? I've done nothing wrong. I'm just trying to do my job. MC also said that he (MC) couldn’t fire her. Which pissed me off. You’re the boss, for the love. We are to the best of my knowledge, an at will employer. Why can’t you fire her? I'm so afraid that he's setting R up. I'm so very afraid of the whole situation.
Here’s the deal. I’m absolutely elated that R has permission to can her. However, I’m pissed that MC won’t step up to the plate like a boss should. I’m also afraid that R will fire her and MC won’t back him up. (R told MC that as soon as he fired her, she'd going running to MC. MC said that that was fine - he would tell her that R is her boss and he backs up whatever R does (which is a first - he doesn't back up anyone just trying to do their job - he only backs up people who are fucking up or are wearing him like a hat). If he ends up not backing up R, I'm calling him on it, because three people heard him say he’d back R up. I’m also afraid that this is some part of MC’s plan to get rid of R and promote WWTS to controller. Honestly, I’m afraid either they’ll both be gone and I’ll be stuck with all their duties, AND a replacement that I can’t stand, or I'll be stuck with WWTS and no R. R and I work well together. I can not work with WWTS. I’m also afraid that she will shoot us. She is unstable. She told me when I first starting working here and was trying to get along with her that she had been on prozac for 11 years and had stopped taking it. Hmmm. Joan says that that tells her that she's got some issues. She does things that don’t make sense to normal people. And even though I have nothing to do with anything, I’m at the top of her list lately over all the invoicing stuff and so I’m afraid I’ll get dragged into this because of her irrational way of thinking. So, the bottom line is, I think R will attempt to fire her, it won’t go well and she’ll end up staying, or end up shooting us all. I’m also afraid that she’ll swing past my house and do something wacky. I truly do fear for my safety and the safety of my family and property.
This is all supposed to go down tomorrow. I’m scared. I don’t think it’ll be over tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted. Wish us luck.
MC – the boss
DJ – MC’s bro and salesman
R – the controller
WWTS – wicked witch of the south end of the office
Jam Man – my boss
So, a little background…
WWTS is weird. Something is tweaked in her head. She does goofy things, such as:
*Typing a scathing letter to our first aid supply company saying that their representatives are sluts and that their outfits are more appropriate for a night club and putting my initials on it like I’m her assistant and I typed it
*Hanging up on customers
*Not transferring calls (I get one customer a week who says, “Thank you for answering the phone, I hate talking to her.”
*Screwing up payables so the head mechanic’s bills don’t get paid and vendors cut him off
*Getting pissed off and just leaving for the day
*Not showing up for work (one year she missed 45 days of work – our rental month is 22 days, so essentially she missed 2 months of work)
*Not co-operating with ANYONE
*Not listening to anyone
*Doing whatever she wants
*Checking and re-checking my work (which she has no idea what I do all day and has nothing to do with my position anyway) causing me to have to do my work at least twice everyday, but usually three times (I enter the billing data into the computer in an organized, consecutive order, she deletes everything I typed, retypes it in a fruitcake order, and bills it that way. Then R or I makes the correction and prints the invoice to mail. If you go back to the invoice the next day, it’s back in the goofy order b/c she changed it back)
*Rewriting my bare rental tickets and throwing away my tickets and any information attached to them
*Deleting pricing info out of the computer (which having that info in the computer to refer to essentially helps us get paid - which essentially helps her since she does AR)
*Rrifling through my desk and belongings
*Staring out the window all the time
*Filing her nails all the time
*Running outside for a smoke and to talk on her cell all the time.
The list goes on and on and on
She’s worked here for seven years and no one likes her. They didn’t like her from the start. I always wondered why MC didn’t get rid of her. I always thought it was b/c he boned her. DJ said that that never happened as far as he knew, and he was pretty sure he’d know about it if it happened. Though, the dispatchers suspect there was a fair bit of boning as the brothers passed around the former dispatch assistant, they don't think anyone boned WWTS. Anyway, anytime I had a review or bonus talk, MC would always ask me what to do about WWTS. I would always shrug and say I didn’t know and he would tell me he couldn’t fire her. Last fall, R and I were talking about it, and he said he found out that WWTS’s brother in law got her the job here. He was a player at this corrupt company we did lots of work for. He got her a job there and when the illegal activity got to be too much, he called MC and got her in here. Now at the time, we apparently needed to kiss this guy’s ass. And to top it off, whenever anything bad happened in her life, the brother in law would call MC and warn him that she was going to be goofy (and essentially tell him not to get rid of her). Well, currently, the company the bro in law works for is out of business (WWTS called the FBI on them for their illegal activities so she played a huge part in their demise) and we have no reason to kiss his ass. So, my question is why is she still here?
It’s been getting worse for me lately, because I’ve been standing up to her. She leaves snarky notes on my stuff, so I leave notes defending myself right back. I’ve been keeping track of all the stuff that she does that impact my job. Just so I can go to MC at review time and show him what’s going on, and how it's a waste of my time. So I can say that I will just absorb that extra time into my job description and not worry about it.
So yesterday, DJ got a call from one of our new customers. We’ve done a ton of work with them in the last three months and they have a really goofy invoice process. We are only allowed to bill them once a month and we have to send totals to them for each site, they will issue a PO, then we’re allowed to bill. Then in 30 days, they pay the invoices. WWTS filed notices of commencement on all their sites (which we’re not supposed to do per the tentative contract we have with them). One of the guys in charge called DJ and chewed him a new ass. He said that if his boss got a hold of the notices of commencement, he’d get an ass chewing, so he was passing it down the line. He threatened to give his business to a competing company. So DJ called R to see WTF we’re doing and tell him that we’re losing a customer b/c of the NOC stuff. DJ & R talked to MC about it and it all came down to WWTS butting into stuff she had no business doing. R told MC AGAIN that we don’t need her, especially if she’s going to cost us a customer. Jam Man told him that she pisses someone off on the phone at least once a day, and he gets sick of hearing about it. (He, in fact, had to apologize to someone last week and warn said customer that she’s a fruitcake). So MC told R that he could fire her and MC would back him up. DJ, Jam Man, and I all witnessed the comment. So R said he was going to do it on Friday. MC said it was fine with him, just make sure he has all his ducks in a row and that she doesn’t have anything on him, so we don’t get sued. R said that he’s done nothing wrong. MC said something to me about what I'd say in the deposition. That pissed me off too. Why am I involved? I've done nothing wrong. I'm just trying to do my job. MC also said that he (MC) couldn’t fire her. Which pissed me off. You’re the boss, for the love. We are to the best of my knowledge, an at will employer. Why can’t you fire her? I'm so afraid that he's setting R up. I'm so very afraid of the whole situation.
Here’s the deal. I’m absolutely elated that R has permission to can her. However, I’m pissed that MC won’t step up to the plate like a boss should. I’m also afraid that R will fire her and MC won’t back him up. (R told MC that as soon as he fired her, she'd going running to MC. MC said that that was fine - he would tell her that R is her boss and he backs up whatever R does (which is a first - he doesn't back up anyone just trying to do their job - he only backs up people who are fucking up or are wearing him like a hat). If he ends up not backing up R, I'm calling him on it, because three people heard him say he’d back R up. I’m also afraid that this is some part of MC’s plan to get rid of R and promote WWTS to controller. Honestly, I’m afraid either they’ll both be gone and I’ll be stuck with all their duties, AND a replacement that I can’t stand, or I'll be stuck with WWTS and no R. R and I work well together. I can not work with WWTS. I’m also afraid that she will shoot us. She is unstable. She told me when I first starting working here and was trying to get along with her that she had been on prozac for 11 years and had stopped taking it. Hmmm. Joan says that that tells her that she's got some issues. She does things that don’t make sense to normal people. And even though I have nothing to do with anything, I’m at the top of her list lately over all the invoicing stuff and so I’m afraid I’ll get dragged into this because of her irrational way of thinking. So, the bottom line is, I think R will attempt to fire her, it won’t go well and she’ll end up staying, or end up shooting us all. I’m also afraid that she’ll swing past my house and do something wacky. I truly do fear for my safety and the safety of my family and property.
This is all supposed to go down tomorrow. I’m scared. I don’t think it’ll be over tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted. Wish us luck.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Parakeets, Sleep, and other miscellany
I need to post this before I forget. At my Joan appt, she gave me an analogy (did you ever realize analogy has "anal" in it? Hmmm) that I need to keep in mind, especially with regard to my co-workers at the moment. Here's the story...Joan says to imagine that she is sitting across from me and with each passing moment, she becomes more and more convinced that I'm turning into a parakeet. No matter what I do to try to convince her otherwise, she believes that I'm a parakeet. Can I ever turn into a parakeet? No, it's impossible. If she manages to convince me that I'm a parakeet and I then believe I'm a parakeet, does that mean in reality I'm going to turn into a parakeet? No, it's still impossible. No matter how much she (or I) believes I'm a parakeet, I'm not nor will I ever be. Just because she put that belief on me doesn't make it true. So whatever someone thinks about me, if it's not based in reality, it's not true and has nothing to do with me. Something I needed to hear with respect to the wicked witch of the south.So, the above is the jist of the story Joan told me, though I didn't do it justice. And anyone reading it will be like WTF? But, it's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I got angry at Boo last night. It was 11ish and I was dozing quite nicely. He came to bed and was watching TV. I really prefer that he not come to bed until after I'm asleep. I've got some deep seated childhood sleep issues that have absolutely nothing to do with him, but affect him nonetheless. Admittedly, he wasn't flipping the channel, watching sports, or had the volume up (which are all my big triggers - and he even pointed them out). But he came in and he let the cats in and I just wanted to sleep. Not worry about T eating the cats or chasing them or the cats eating the plastic comforter threads. So I got pissed. I got up to leave (to head to the couch) and he said that he'd be pissed if I left our bed on our anniversary. It was 12:30 by that time so I said very snarkily that our anniversary was over. But I did lay down again. Once he turned off the TV and rolled over, then I got up and went to the couch. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I wanted to watch HP3, but the stupid On Demand thing was working so I couldn't even do that. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired and fat.
Here's the cycle. I don't sleep well at night (maybe 5-6 hours of fitful sleep) then I wake up exhausted and crabby and weepy and sad. Then I go through the day, counting the hours until I can go back to bed. Which then brings another fitful night of sleep. All the while feeling guilty and bad b/c I'm fat and too tired to go to the gym. I make it through the week, only to be so exhausted that I nap all weekend. Then b/c I napped all afternoon on Sunday, I can't fall asleep Sunday night. Thus starts the cycle again. I'm sick of it. If I got sleep, I would feel better. I would be alert enough to go to the gym and maybe have a good workout. Not one of those horrible ones where it's a fight and struggle and frustrating as hell to make it through 20 minutes. Like you keep telling yourself that if I make it through the first 5 minutes, I'll feel better. So you get through 5 minutes and coax yourself into another 5. Then you do it a couple more times until you have 20 or 25 minutes in. And it sucks the whole time. It doesn't even get better. So I'm pissed. Plus, I resent Boo b/c he gets 8 hours of sleep and even if he didn't, his job isn't often such that he can't sleep in or take a break in the middle of the day to rest or nap or whatever. Whatever. He doesn't believe that I'm not sleeping. He said that I was sleeping when he came in the room. Yeah, I was, but not well. It's like a light, dozing sleep. I just want to fucking rest. I want to feel normal. Because I think that if I'm well rested, then I'll feel better in the head. My depression and anxiety will ease up b/c they're so much worse when I'm exhausted. Plus, because I actually get sleep, I'll feel like working out, which will help my depression and anxiety even more. Ack. I'm crying now. At work. Need to stop this post right now.
I got angry at Boo last night. It was 11ish and I was dozing quite nicely. He came to bed and was watching TV. I really prefer that he not come to bed until after I'm asleep. I've got some deep seated childhood sleep issues that have absolutely nothing to do with him, but affect him nonetheless. Admittedly, he wasn't flipping the channel, watching sports, or had the volume up (which are all my big triggers - and he even pointed them out). But he came in and he let the cats in and I just wanted to sleep. Not worry about T eating the cats or chasing them or the cats eating the plastic comforter threads. So I got pissed. I got up to leave (to head to the couch) and he said that he'd be pissed if I left our bed on our anniversary. It was 12:30 by that time so I said very snarkily that our anniversary was over. But I did lay down again. Once he turned off the TV and rolled over, then I got up and went to the couch. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I wanted to watch HP3, but the stupid On Demand thing was working so I couldn't even do that. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired and fat.
Here's the cycle. I don't sleep well at night (maybe 5-6 hours of fitful sleep) then I wake up exhausted and crabby and weepy and sad. Then I go through the day, counting the hours until I can go back to bed. Which then brings another fitful night of sleep. All the while feeling guilty and bad b/c I'm fat and too tired to go to the gym. I make it through the week, only to be so exhausted that I nap all weekend. Then b/c I napped all afternoon on Sunday, I can't fall asleep Sunday night. Thus starts the cycle again. I'm sick of it. If I got sleep, I would feel better. I would be alert enough to go to the gym and maybe have a good workout. Not one of those horrible ones where it's a fight and struggle and frustrating as hell to make it through 20 minutes. Like you keep telling yourself that if I make it through the first 5 minutes, I'll feel better. So you get through 5 minutes and coax yourself into another 5. Then you do it a couple more times until you have 20 or 25 minutes in. And it sucks the whole time. It doesn't even get better. So I'm pissed. Plus, I resent Boo b/c he gets 8 hours of sleep and even if he didn't, his job isn't often such that he can't sleep in or take a break in the middle of the day to rest or nap or whatever. Whatever. He doesn't believe that I'm not sleeping. He said that I was sleeping when he came in the room. Yeah, I was, but not well. It's like a light, dozing sleep. I just want to fucking rest. I want to feel normal. Because I think that if I'm well rested, then I'll feel better in the head. My depression and anxiety will ease up b/c they're so much worse when I'm exhausted. Plus, because I actually get sleep, I'll feel like working out, which will help my depression and anxiety even more. Ack. I'm crying now. At work. Need to stop this post right now.
Three things
Three things from yesterday...
1) I was in a good mood.
2) Boo and I had a nice anniversary dinner and got to spend some quality time together.
3) The spare room is starting to look lots better with the drywall project going on.
And because it's my prerogative...
4) T played with a toy last night. I threw him a stuffed pig, he chased it, shook it, pulled out it's guts and stripped it of it's squeaker. Made me proud. He was soooo happy.
1) I was in a good mood.
2) Boo and I had a nice anniversary dinner and got to spend some quality time together.
3) The spare room is starting to look lots better with the drywall project going on.
And because it's my prerogative...
4) T played with a toy last night. I threw him a stuffed pig, he chased it, shook it, pulled out it's guts and stripped it of it's squeaker. Made me proud. He was soooo happy.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Happy Things
Here's a little thing I try to do everyday. Pick three things from the prior day that make me happy. So...
Three things from yesterday...
1) I had a good Joan appointment.
2) Boo and I cleaned up the house together.
3) I got to see Mick Foley use the barbed wire wrapped bat on WWE.
Three things from yesterday...
1) I had a good Joan appointment.
2) Boo and I cleaned up the house together.
3) I got to see Mick Foley use the barbed wire wrapped bat on WWE.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Work Place Rant of the Day
I should not even be giving this the time of day, but it’s really bugging me. Friday, RC was off (yay him!) and I told the Jam Man that Wicked Witch of the South would go to lunch for an hour and fifteen minutes, then come back and take the deposit to the bank (located 5 minutes away) and be gone for an hour. She went to lunch at 11:50, came back at 1:00, huffed around the office and at 1:10 called Jam Man to tell him she was going to deliver a contract to one of our customers (which is not something we ever do). So she was gone for 2 hours and since RC was gone, I wasn’t able to leave to go to lunch (someone needed to answer the phones).
Today, I had a dentist appointment at 11:00 so I left at 10:30 am. I told RC I was going and would be back in a couple of hours. I got back to the office at 12:45. When I got back, Jam Man said, “Watch this,” and called her to tell her I was back. He hung up and told me that she called down to him and asked when I was coming back and that she couldn’t leave while I was gone. Uh, hello? WTF was up with Friday, when you just left for hours? *I* didn’t get to go to lunch then. RC is here today and he and I have the phones covered because we never know if she’ll even be *at* work. I even double checked with him last week to make sure he’d be back today so I could go to my appointment. So then I called RC to get the whole story (since he gets to listen to everything she does all.day.long.) He said that he told her at 11:30 to go ahead and go, but she wouldn’t. Then by the time I got back, she grumbled that it was too late and she’d leave at 3. Why don’t you just leave now? Spare us all. Please. DO NOT drag me into your passive aggressive reactive emotional shit.
I’m so irritated. Like she’s ever a team player. She’s the model employee alright. Employee of the month, yes indeed. I’m so very irritated. Like she gives a crap about anything. All she’s done for the last hour is walk into RC’s office, walk out of his office to the supply closet, walk back to her desk, walk into the kitchen. Some varying pattern of those locations. Over and over and over. But, interestingly enough, she doesn’t say anything to me. I’m just pissed that I am letting her suck me into this. I wish she’d say something, then she’d get a piece of my mind. So writing that didn’t make me feel a whole lot better. I hate to think that this shit could make me quit. I need to stick around until I get my bills paid. Another year. I just wish that an opportunity to talk to MC would present itself. I think I’d feel better getting this shit off my chest, even if it didn’t do anything.
Wow, I so should not blog about this. Hee hee
Today, I had a dentist appointment at 11:00 so I left at 10:30 am. I told RC I was going and would be back in a couple of hours. I got back to the office at 12:45. When I got back, Jam Man said, “Watch this,” and called her to tell her I was back. He hung up and told me that she called down to him and asked when I was coming back and that she couldn’t leave while I was gone. Uh, hello? WTF was up with Friday, when you just left for hours? *I* didn’t get to go to lunch then. RC is here today and he and I have the phones covered because we never know if she’ll even be *at* work. I even double checked with him last week to make sure he’d be back today so I could go to my appointment. So then I called RC to get the whole story (since he gets to listen to everything she does all.day.long.) He said that he told her at 11:30 to go ahead and go, but she wouldn’t. Then by the time I got back, she grumbled that it was too late and she’d leave at 3. Why don’t you just leave now? Spare us all. Please. DO NOT drag me into your passive aggressive reactive emotional shit.
I’m so irritated. Like she’s ever a team player. She’s the model employee alright. Employee of the month, yes indeed. I’m so very irritated. Like she gives a crap about anything. All she’s done for the last hour is walk into RC’s office, walk out of his office to the supply closet, walk back to her desk, walk into the kitchen. Some varying pattern of those locations. Over and over and over. But, interestingly enough, she doesn’t say anything to me. I’m just pissed that I am letting her suck me into this. I wish she’d say something, then she’d get a piece of my mind. So writing that didn’t make me feel a whole lot better. I hate to think that this shit could make me quit. I need to stick around until I get my bills paid. Another year. I just wish that an opportunity to talk to MC would present itself. I think I’d feel better getting this shit off my chest, even if it didn’t do anything.
Wow, I so should not blog about this. Hee hee
Public Service Announcement - 5/7/06
In honor, albeit a day late, of Meet Your Best Friend at the Zoo Day, adopt a pet from the Humane Society or animal shelter and spay and neuter your pets.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
My kids have fur
I've been reading a ton of blogs lately (when, technically, I should be working) and have wanted one of my own. So, here goes.
I wonder what the blog etiquette is. Is there even blog etiquette? Because I love to cuss. And I figure since it's my space, I might as well be able to cuss all I want, right? I'll try not to use the F-bomb, even though it's my favorite word.
I just want to say upfront, that even though I have a college degree, my grammar is for crap. It really is true that if you don't use it, you lose it. I think that can apply to a multitude of situations - grammar, foreign language, Algebra II, erections...
I would also like to warn you that I tend to ramble. Seriously, I used to go to college and read actual literature and speak properly and, well, now I hang out mostly with people who barely graduated from high school and the extent of Great American literature for me is People Magazine and Soap Opera Digest. Funny how time changes you.
Speaking of Great American Literature, I had this teacher in 11th grade who passed out this list of Great American authors and their most famous works. My goal was to read through the entire list. Yeah, that didn't happen. In fact, at this moment, I can't even remember the name of even one Great American author. Wow, do I feel brain dead.
I came across this blog yesterday that just drew me in. I read posts for about 4 hours. That chick can write. I aspire to be like that. Though, she's probably a journalist or something. Or has a journalism or English degree. Yep, well, I'm a dispatcher.
So, I'm married for almost 8 years to my soul mate. We met in 9th grade, dated on and off through high school, broke up in 12th grade, and then met up again in college. We dated for 4 years, then got married. We've got three furry kids (4 until 5W1D ago :(). We talk about having hairless kids, but it scares the crap out of me most of the time. Somedays I think it would be the coolest thing to have a kid with him. Other days, I think, what the hell are you thinking? I can barely take care of myself. Two separate, independent intuitive, psychic types say that there's a kid waiting for us. One of them had a dream about us and says we're having a girl and knew the name that I wanted to name her. Which Boo (my hubby) hates, so we have to name her something different, but it was my number 1 girl's name for a long time.
My hubby is Boo, and my furry kids have super powers. One thinks he's invisible. When he gets in the trash, he'll stand perfectly still holding stuff in his mouth. Like we can't see him. I think he's got another super power, I'm just not sure what it is yet. I've printed off a list of them from Wikipedia (and if I knew how to link anything that would be a pretty darn cool place to link to) so I can do some research. Oh, one kid can turn into an earthworm. He's totally boneless. And he'll burrow under the covers and bite you. He's chomped on Boo's package and has a fondness for nipples. Boy, that's probably going to get me some freaks commenting, huh. The third kid can teletransport or teletransportate or teleportate or whatever the heck you call it. See, I'm not really up on the super powers. Like you mosey around the house, minding your own business, and she's nowhere around. Then you turn around and she's sitting right in front of you. It's pretty freaky, but cool at the same time. Wish I could do that. It would really come in handy at work. I could bust my co-workers goofing off. Finally, our kid who recently passed away (RIP baby, we love you and miss you) had super strength. Holy cow, was she strong.
So that's a little about me to start. See, I told you I rambled.
I wonder what the blog etiquette is. Is there even blog etiquette? Because I love to cuss. And I figure since it's my space, I might as well be able to cuss all I want, right? I'll try not to use the F-bomb, even though it's my favorite word.
I just want to say upfront, that even though I have a college degree, my grammar is for crap. It really is true that if you don't use it, you lose it. I think that can apply to a multitude of situations - grammar, foreign language, Algebra II, erections...
I would also like to warn you that I tend to ramble. Seriously, I used to go to college and read actual literature and speak properly and, well, now I hang out mostly with people who barely graduated from high school and the extent of Great American literature for me is People Magazine and Soap Opera Digest. Funny how time changes you.
Speaking of Great American Literature, I had this teacher in 11th grade who passed out this list of Great American authors and their most famous works. My goal was to read through the entire list. Yeah, that didn't happen. In fact, at this moment, I can't even remember the name of even one Great American author. Wow, do I feel brain dead.
I came across this blog yesterday that just drew me in. I read posts for about 4 hours. That chick can write. I aspire to be like that. Though, she's probably a journalist or something. Or has a journalism or English degree. Yep, well, I'm a dispatcher.
So, I'm married for almost 8 years to my soul mate. We met in 9th grade, dated on and off through high school, broke up in 12th grade, and then met up again in college. We dated for 4 years, then got married. We've got three furry kids (4 until 5W1D ago :(). We talk about having hairless kids, but it scares the crap out of me most of the time. Somedays I think it would be the coolest thing to have a kid with him. Other days, I think, what the hell are you thinking? I can barely take care of myself. Two separate, independent intuitive, psychic types say that there's a kid waiting for us. One of them had a dream about us and says we're having a girl and knew the name that I wanted to name her. Which Boo (my hubby) hates, so we have to name her something different, but it was my number 1 girl's name for a long time.
My hubby is Boo, and my furry kids have super powers. One thinks he's invisible. When he gets in the trash, he'll stand perfectly still holding stuff in his mouth. Like we can't see him. I think he's got another super power, I'm just not sure what it is yet. I've printed off a list of them from Wikipedia (and if I knew how to link anything that would be a pretty darn cool place to link to) so I can do some research. Oh, one kid can turn into an earthworm. He's totally boneless. And he'll burrow under the covers and bite you. He's chomped on Boo's package and has a fondness for nipples. Boy, that's probably going to get me some freaks commenting, huh. The third kid can teletransport or teletransportate or teleportate or whatever the heck you call it. See, I'm not really up on the super powers. Like you mosey around the house, minding your own business, and she's nowhere around. Then you turn around and she's sitting right in front of you. It's pretty freaky, but cool at the same time. Wish I could do that. It would really come in handy at work. I could bust my co-workers goofing off. Finally, our kid who recently passed away (RIP baby, we love you and miss you) had super strength. Holy cow, was she strong.
So that's a little about me to start. See, I told you I rambled.
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